“You had an orgasm your FIRST TIME?!” Ariana yelled across the lunch table on Thursday afternoon. She laughed and brought a hand over her mouth after realizing how loud she had been. “I didn’t even know that was possible,” she whispered.
“Well, technically it was my second time…” Kiara trailed off. She wore an oversized white tee that kept slipping down her shoulder, giving a peep of the mint-colored lacy bralette she wore. Ariana didn’t know if it was because she knew Kiara had now had sex, but she thought Kiara looked more experienced somehow, and maybe a little older.
Ariana, Jade, and Kiara had gotten to lunch a few minutes early and were huddled together at their usual table in the cafeteria, taking advantage of what little time it would be just the three of them. Ariana normally took this time to get some reading in, but today was a special occasion. She loved that Kiara had surprised Teague without planning any of it. It was totally Kiara. There was also a hint of jealousy resting in her stomach–she’d never been anywhere near that level of intimacy with anyone.
Ariana wasn’t a virgin, but it had never been intimate–like totally in love, can’t get enough of each other, passionate sex. The first time she had been tipsy and sad after having to sit out of a father-daughter dance at a cheer banquet and wanted to do something to distract herself. The guy was a junior she had thought was hot at the time, and although he was kind, she didn’t have any real connection with him. Ariana wondered if he could help to ease some of her pain, so she had sex with him at a moonlit park down the street from the banquet.
It was exciting for a few minutes and took her mind off the feeling of loss, but her grief came back with a vengeance the next day.
She never regretted doing it, because she’d been curious about sex and they were completely safe, but she also knew it was nothing near what she wanted to experience. She definitely didn’t have an orgasm. She’d spent most of the time staring up at the moving clouds while he pushed into her at random intervals. After that, she’d tried it out with a girl from her cheer gym who was fun and sweet–they were both curious about what it would be like with another girl. She had brought Ariana way more pleasure than the guy had, actually being able to bring her to orgasm. Ariana had since then been with one other girl from another school, because although it always came back, those moments of being so close to another human helped her to pretend she didn’t have a constant fear of the world closing in on her. She knew deep down that she was self-medicating in a way, and that it wasn’t exactly healthy, but she still hadn’t found whatever it was that could heal her.
Ariana wondered for a split second if she and Lukas would ever reach that level of intimacy, or if they would ever be anything at all. She knew it would be different with him. It had to be.
“That’s impressive, K,” Jade said, leaning over the table on her crossed arms. Ariana looked at Jade, who had left her long, velvety dark hair down and wavy today. She wore a tight-fitting gray shirt and looked like a magazine ad. Jade never had to worry about whether or not a guy liked her, Ariana thought, disheartened.
“How did it feel?” Ariana asked, turning her attention back to Kiara.
“Um, the first time I felt very full, too full even. But it was only wincing pain every once in a while. I was relaxed though, so I think that helped it not to hurt.“
“No, the orgasm!” Jade exclaimed, laughing.
“Oh! Incredible. Different from when you do it yourself,” Kiara said with a grin.
Aubrey, Reigh, and Melodie walked up and filled in the seats around them.
“Why do y’all look so secretive?” Aubrey asked as he set down his lunch tray, which was overflowing with a massive mound of curly fries.
Ariana noticed Kiara become distracted by the fries for several moments. She nearly laughed out loud, wondering if Kiara had the munchies at school yet again.
“Well, Teague and I had sex last night,” Kiara said after a beat.
Aubrey’s mouth fell into an “O”. Melodie coughed into her water and Reigh gasped. Ariana chuckled at everyone’s shocked faces. Kiara’s candor never disappointed.
“What!? How long were you planning that?” Melodie asked, her blond eyebrows rising. Ariana could only guess she was upset about the amount of attention that would be on Kiara for the next few days.
“I didn’t plan it, per se. I just let it happen,” Kiara said with a serene, far-off look in her eyes. Ariana knew she was replaying the scene in her head. Kiara giggled. “I mean, I did greet him naked, but other than that…”
“Memoir title!” Jade yelled out.
Aubrey cracked up and Reigh shook her head, smiling. Only Kiara.
“Oh, that sounds like when Darren and I did it,” Melodie said loudly, running a hand through her dirty blonde hair.
“Didn’t you do it on a scratchy blanket in a field somewhere?” Jade asked. “How could you greet him naked? Didn’t you have to get to the field first?”
Ariana bit her lip to keep from laughing.
“Jade, it's okay that you haven’t done it yet. Don’t worry–the entire school thinks you have anyway,” Melodie said and smiled at Jade, malice flashing in her eyes.
Jade pursed her lips and glared at Melodie.
“Okay, enough,” Ariana said, shooting Melodie a warning glare. Did Melodie know that was a tender spot for Jade at the moment? Jade did prod the girl though.
“Tell us about it, K,” Reigh said, changing the subject.
As Kiara recounted her story to the others, Ariana rose from the table and walked over to the lunch lines to grab some food. As she walked, she adjusted her light-violet sweetheart top that showed off her full-size C chest. She wasn’t thin in the way that Jade and Kiara were, and she took pride in her curves.
Ariana had picked this top specifically because today was the day she and Lukas were supposed to hang out after school. She hadn’t checked her phone since this morning, and she was hoping to have a text or two from him waiting for her. She’d refused to let herself reach out to him after their rendezvous at the party, not wanting to come off as eager, but she’d gone so long without hearing from him that she was beginning to think their plans weren’t going to happen. It was almost as if Lukas enjoyed keeping her waiting.
As she walked, Ariana anxiously pulled her phone out and checked the screen. She had messages from her mother, Haiden, and a ton of group texts, but none from Lukas. A wave of disappointment crashed down on her. Had he changed his mind?
“Hey, Ari!” a voice called from a table behind her.
Ariana spun on her heel, causing her cascading hair to fan out. She grinned. Daire, one of her favorite seniors, was waving her over to his table.
“D!” Ariana strolled over and threw her arms around Daire’s neck. His mirroring grin enveloped her in a cloud of comfort.
Last year, a varsity cheerleader had taken her, Jade, and Kiara to an upperclassman party. Ariana first saw Daire in the kitchen, commentating on a beer pong game in an Australian accent, pretending the players were wild animals. Daire had everyone around him doubled over with laughter, and Ariana was instantly attracted to him–he was tall, handsome, and hilarious–the life of the party and exactly her type.
Toward the end of the night, Ariana had wandered outside and found Daire smoking by himself on the side of the house. Her imagination had run wild at first, envisioning the two of them kissing, pressed up against the brick wall and hidden away from everyone. But soon enough she realized that Daire had actually been hiding out, too distraught from a recent breakup to be around the party anymore. Ariana and Daire had talked through the night until the early hours of the morning, and she’d helped to soothe him as he spoke of the girl who had broken his heart. Ariana realized that although Daire hadn’t had the same feelings toward her as she initially had for him, he was an incredible friend, and over the past year she’d lost the romantic feelings for him and instead come to cherish their friendship immensely.
“You look like a supermodel, Ariana,” Daire said. “Hot date tonight?” He reached out to grab her hand, attempting to make her do a spin. Ariana blushed and laughed, swatting his arm away.
“No,” she said, not fully lying… at this point, she had no idea whether or not she had any plans tonight. “Just cheer practice today. We have tryouts soon.”
“Ohhh, right! Well, good luck, even though you don’t need it,” Daire said, throwing a wink at her. “By the way, I’m having a party next weekend and I’d better see you there.”
“Sounds like a plan,” Ariana said. If Daire were to have a party, surely Lukas would go.
She never heard much about Lukas–he mostly hung out with the swimmers (whom Ariana didn’t know) and only a couple of her older friends, so her sources were limited. Although she knew Daire and Lukas had grown up together, she didn’t feel comfortable trying to get the scoop on Lukas so soon from one of his close buddies. It just didn’t feel right, and also she was embarrassed. Lukas did occasionally hang out and smoke with Teague, but Kiara said it was a surface-level relationship–they were acquaintances more than anything else. Lukas rarely ventured out to parties, and that pretty much summed up what she knew about him.
“Good,” Daire said, grinning again. “I miss you, Ari! Come and hang out anytime. You know where I live.”
“Will do, D,” Ariana said. “Food is calling my name!” Ariana walked backward toward the lunch line, flashing Daire one more grin before she spun around, feeling one hundred times better than she had a few moments ago. Why couldn’t Lukas be as inviting as Daire?
Fuck it, Ariana thought. She would text him first and find out what was going on.
12:39 p.m. Ariana: Are we still meeting up today?
She waited a few minutes, expecting to feel the familiar buzz indicating she had received a message, but nothing came. Ariana flipped through her social media, liking a few videos and the silly memes Haiden had tagged her in, barely registering anything as she thought up reasons why Lukas hadn’t reached out already. Had he changed his mind?
As if on cue, Ariana felt her phone vibrate and her heart sped up. She grinned and looked to see who it was, but her heart deflated as she read “Mom” on the home screen.
“Ugh,” Ariana cried out, not caring who heard her. Determined not to let her mood sour any more, Ariana hastily ordered and went back to her table, not even bothering to read her mom’s text.
***
Jade watched Ariana nearly stomp back to their table holding a sandwich, her gold-streaked hair flying out behind her. Ariana sat down in a huff–quite comically, Jade thought–with a scowl on her face. Jade couldn’t help it, she let out a laugh and Ariana squinted her eyes in Jade’s direction. Jade loved it when Ariana got angry. It was like watching a kitten turn into a mountain lion.
“Hey!” Jade said, the hint of a smile still playing on her lips. “I’m sorry. I just don’t understand how a falafel sandwich could make you so angry.” A single-sided smile crept onto Ariana’s face for a moment, but she quickly pulled her mouth back into a hard line.
“What’s wrong, Ari?” Jade asked, leaning her head down in front of Ariana, forcing her to look into her eyes.
“Ugh Jade,” Ariana moaned. She turned and looked around the table for a moment, making sure no one was eavesdropping.
“They’re not listening,” Jade said. She drummed her magenta-coated nails on the dark cafeteria table. “They’re all too engrossed in Kiara’s retelling of her first time… First times, I mean.”
Ariana sighed and began to explain her situation, giving Jade a whiff of her Amor Amor perfume when she leaned in to talk. Looking slightly embarrassed, Ariana finished with, “You would never have this problem. Guys trip over themselves just to say hi to you.”
“Hah.” Jade snorted. “Not the ones I want,” she said, thinking of Ian. After all of their flirting from afar, she figured he would’ve said something by now. Ian sat a few tables away with some juniors at this very moment and could easily come over and talk to her if he wanted. “Anyways Ari, from my experience, the less you care about the guy–or the less you make it seem like you care–the more they’ll be interested in you. That’s just the way it works.”
“I didn’t even text him until just now!”
“Yeah, but a guy like Lukas–he probably knows he has you already. And he’s right, he does.” Jade saw Ariana wince slightly but she continued. “So stop thinking about him and start thinking about yourself and having fun with your friends instead. Seriously, this’ll only help you no matter what way this thing goes. Make a game out of it–you’re an actress now, and Lukas is the furthest down on your list of guys you have a thing for. Make him see that. Okay?”
“Okay… but there is no list of guys.”
Jade laughed. “I know. That’s why I said to be an actress.”
Ariana smiled. Jade put her arm around Ariana’s shoulder and kissed her cheek.
“Oh and by the way, Ian probably isn’t coming over to talk to you because he’s confused as to whether you’re taken or not,” Ariana reassured Jade. “But I do have to tell you something, and you’re not going to like it.”
Jade grimaced. “I can almost guess what it’s about.”
Ariana gave Jade a sympathetic look. “I heard some freshmen talking about how ‘the Jade Pierce’ had sex with two guys at once at Taron’s party. I told them it wasn’t true though.”
Jade’s stomach fell. She’d been waiting for this–it was inevitable, but it still hit her like a bag of bricks. Who was spreading it this quickly?
“People talked about me behind my back when I first started having sex, but then everyone eventually got over it,” Ariana said.
“I know, Ari, but you actually did it, and you wanted to. I’ve never even gone down on a guy and the whole school thinks I’m like a nympho. It just sucks because that’s not me. And no one believes me when I tell them it’s not true.”
“We’ll stop it, Jade. Don’t worry.” Ariana continued to reassure her, but it was no use.
Jade looked over at Ian’s table and saw that Kristin Long and her posse had sat down next to him. Kristin must’ve been watching her because she immediately caught Jade’s eye and glowered at her. After a moment, Kristin’s face shifted and she smiled pointedly at Jade–a foreboding, nasty smile–and turned to whisper in Ian’s ear. Ian looked around until his eyes met Jade’s, and then he looked… confused. Jade dropped her eyes to her food. That bitch! If Ian hadn’t heard the rumor before, he probably knew it now.
Tears stung the corners of her eyes. Jade never cried–she had cried so much when her father died that she felt there wasn’t much left in her. And nothing compared to the pain of her dad’s absence or the way he had died. Not much warranted her tears after that. But these weren’t tears of sadness. They were from rage. The prickling intensified and she fiddled with her slender black bracelet, willing herself to calm down. She took a deep breath into her belly, held it for five seconds, then slowly let it out. She continued to focus on deepening her breathing until she wasn’t thinking about all the ways she could get revenge on Kristin, like dragging her by her ponytail across the cafeteria…
Instead, Jade let herself peer up at Ian again. He wasn’t talking to Kristin anymore but looking at his lunch, picking at his food a little. His overgrown chestnut hair hung in front of his eyes, making half of his expression unreadable, but it looked like he was frowning. Jade silently willed Ian to look up at her so she could see those blue eyes and somehow let him know she hadn’t done it. But he kept his head down, staring at his food.
A yearning she was unfamiliar with crept up in her belly. Jade put a hand over her stomach. Was she losing her chance with him? He’d been friends with Kristin and her clique for years and years, while he hardly knew Jade at all. Of course he would believe whatever Kristin told him about her.
In a flurry of motion, Weston and Haiden strode up to the table and plunked themselves next to Jade and Ariana, sending food flying when they slammed their overflowing trays onto the table.
“Careful!” Ariana yelled as she shot backward out of her chair. The conversation stopped with the chaotic arrival of the boys, and Weston took advantage of the attention.
“My bad, Ari,” Weston said, and then continued without missing a beat. “So, bets on who’s going to get with the freshman meat!”
“Do not call them meat, Weston,” Ariana hissed at him.
“Sorry, Ari. The beautiful freshman ladies,” Weston corrected himself.
“Dibs on the blonde one that’s trying out for cheerleading,” Haiden announced, his long hair pulled half back today. Haiden looked handsome with his hair out of his face; his angular features not half-hidden by dark locks that were normally falling into his eyes.
“What makes you all think that just because they’re freshman, they’re going to hook up with you?” Jade asked.
Jade was really talking to Haiden–she’d seen firsthand what Weston was capable of, and it was a little scary what he could talk girls into. Last year, when Weston was merely a freshman, he had convinced an attractive, popular sophomore to give him head in the photography class darkroom. Afterward, the girl thought he was going to date her, but he quickly dispelled that idea by hooking up with one of her friends the very next weekend in front of her. And not that Haiden wasn’t attractive, but there was a certain quality to Weston that got girls to fall for him, a dangerous concoction of cockiness and swagger that couldn’t be replicated, no matter how hard the other guys tried.
“Jade,” Weston scoffed, sounding almost disappointed with her questioning. “Just watch.”
Weston stood up and sauntered by the table full of freshman, including the “little blonde one”, who was a sweet girl named Mara they had met at cheer practice earlier in the week. The animated conversation at the younger girls’ table abruptly stopped, and all of their heads turned to watch Weston saunter past. Jade let out a dramatic sigh, shaking her head. Weston went to the water fountain, took a drink, and walked back, lifting his t-shirt to wipe his face right as he walked by the young girls’ table, exposing his chiseled six-pack. Jade and the rest of her table laughed as Weston flashed a smile at the table of swooning freshmen.
Jade rolled her eyes at Weston as he sat and put his arm around her. “See?” he cooed. “This’ll be easy.”
Jade started to shake his arm off but then turned to look at him instead. Kiara and the rest of the table were back to talking about their various sexual adventures so Jade figured she could talk to Weston with no one hearing.
“Hey, Weston,” she began.
“What’s up?” he inquired, mirroring her somber tone.
“Have you heard anything, you know, when you’re in the locker room or whatever, about me from this past weekend?” Jade whispered quickly, looking into his brown eyes. They had flecks of amber in them that were only visible if you were inches away from his face.
Weston clenched his angular jaw. “Yeah, I heard some guys talking. And, no–” He jokingly covered her mouth with his hand as Jade opened it to protest. “You don’t need to defend yourself. I know you didn’t do it.” He pulled his hand away and stopped for a second, then continued. “By the way, I made sure none of them will talk about it again.”
“What? How?”
“I just took care of it,” Weston said with a smile.
“It was pretty funny,” Haiden piped in, making it clear he was listening. “Weston ended up putting this junior in a chokehold against the lockers. That shut ‘em up.”
“He was trying to talk back to me,” Weston said with a shrug.
Haiden laughed and the corner of Weston’s mouth twitched upward. Jade couldn’t help the grin that flooded her face. Weston was the ultimate guy’s guy, but he had a soft side too and was extremely protective of the girls in their group. Half of the time Jade found it insanely attractive to see the lengths he would go to to defend the girls, and the other half of the time she questioned whether it was just because he wanted to bang them himself.
Either way, she was moved by his actions.
“Thank you, Weston,” Jade said earnestly. “But how did you know I didn’t do it?”
“Well one, because I know you–you’re not like that–and two, because I was with Taron on Sunday. A bunch of football players went to grab beers and he drunkenly spilled to me how you came onto him and then backed off for no reason at all. He’s so confused Jade; it’s hilarious. He was asking me for advice since he knows we’re close. I told him he didn’t stand a chance.”
Jade knew she had inadvertently given Weston a great gift in having a senior come to him, a sophomore, groveling for advice. As overly cocky and obnoxious as Weston could be sometimes, he made it hard not to love him. Jade smiled, remembering why she’d liked him early on last year, but then caught herself before she could think any more about it.
Instead, she looked back over at Ian who was now staring at her, and of course, Weston’s arm was still around her shoulders.
“Ah shit,” Jade said as she shrugged Weston’s arm off of her.
“What? What happened?” Weston asked.
“Nothing.” Jade sighed. “Just my life.”
***
“Remember that party at my place last winter? Arica and I almost had a threesome in my parent’s bed that night,” Reigh said, stealing the attention of the table.
“What! With who?” Melodie said.
“With whom,” Kiara heard Ariana say under her breath.
Kiara took this opportunity to check her phone.
12:46 p.m. Teague: was last night even real?
Kiara grinned, her heart filling with joy. She missed Teague already–even more so now that they had done it, if that were possible. Teague had photography during her lunch period and if she left a little early she could usually stop in to say hi to him. Rushing High’s photography teacher, Mrs. Nolty, was an instructor known for her leniency. The students could basically come and go from the class as they pleased within reason.
“Kiara, you’re not eating lunch?” Ariana asked, her hazel eyes wide with concern.
Kiara cringed internally–she hadn’t expected anyone to call her out. “I’m not hungry today. I had a big breakfast,” Kiara lied as she put her hands over her stomach.
Ariana stared at her quizzically but said nothing else. Kiara had never been one to tell lies, and she didn’t like doing it. But she didn’t want Ariana of all people on her case. Ariana, who could occasionally tell when people were lying just by watching them.
Kiara smiled and shrugged. Before Ariana could study her body language any further, she took off toward Teague’s classroom, convincing herself that Ariana hadn’t realized anything was off. She looked down at her white tennis shoes hitting the linoleum floors and caught sight of her thighs jiggling.
Her stomach turned. Each step set off ripples that made her wish she had covered up more today. She squeezed her eyes shut and let out a sigh–at least she’d skipped lunch. Sure, she’d lost a few pounds since beginning her diet a little over a month ago, but the visible results were taking longer than she thought. I could drop my daily calorie intake again, Kiara thought. I could sacrifice another hundred calories. The results would be worth it. With that decision, she smiled. Thinner thighs were coming.
As Kiara approached the hallway leading to Mrs. Nolty’s room, she sent Teague a text letting him know she was about to be outside. As soon as she spotted his dark, handsome head pop out of the doorway, Kiara quickened her pace. She couldn’t wait to be back in his arms.
But then another head appeared behind Teague, and Kiara recognized the spiky dark hair belonging to Lukas Jansen. Her pace slowed.
“Hi, baby!” Teague said with a smile as she approached the two boys. Teague pulled her into a hug and kissed her temple.
“Hi,” Kiara said, eyeing Lukas over Teague’s shoulder. “What’re you doing here?”
Teague released Kiara from their embrace.
“I hang out here every once in a while,” Lukas said. “I left my phone at home today and Ariana and I are supposed to hang out later. Could you tell her I’ll be waiting to pick her up after practice? I’ll be in the back parking lot. I drive a white truck.”
Kiara didn’t know why this annoyed her so much, but it did. Or maybe it was merely Lukas that annoyed her. Sure, he was good-looking and all, but he was way too cocky about it. He seemed like he was used to everyone doing whatever he asked of them.
“Why don’t you go tell her yourself? She has lunch right now. You can’t miss her,” Kiara said, moving her eyes from Lukas back to Teague.
“I can’t, I’ve gotta get back to my class. I’ve been gone too long already. Please, just let her know for me? See you, Teague,” Lukas said and then took off before anyone had time to respond.
Kiara grunted, crossing her arms at Lukas’ retreating back.
“Is someone in a bad mood?” Teague said, laughing at Kiara’s sour face.
“No, Lukas just annoys me. Why can’t he take care of his own shit?”
“Whoa!” Teague took a step back and put his hands up in defense.
“Sorry. I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.” This was true. She had been so hungry it had been hard for her to fall asleep. Maybe that was why she reacted badly to Lukas.
“It’s okay,” Teague stepped back in to take her in his arms. “I’m sorry though. Lukas was here hanging out with some of the guys and asked me if he could talk to you. I figured you wouldn’t mind.”
Kiara gave in and smiled. “It's all right. Cheer me up?”
Teague grinned and dipped her backward, one hand behind her head and the other behind her waist. When she was nearly vertical, he kissed her.
“Of course, baby girl,” Teague said in a deep, playful voice, making her grin and forget the rest of the world.